Website

A Website and a Name

Thanks for being here.  Let me tell you why I started this website and blog.  And why it’s called Unmastered. I think I have perfectionistic tendencies.  I’m not really a perfectionist per se, but I try to be. And I fall short. A lot.  Like really a lot. And the word Master (while also being a bit of a play on my last name Mastrantonio) is interesting to me as it has many levels. It means someone who shows great skill or proficiency in an area, or they have complete knowledge in an area. I know I strive for that. Strive for being the Master of Motherhood, the Master Runner, the Masterchef, the master at all areas of my life. And I just can’t. I can try hard, but I’m never going to be the master of everything. I’m never really going to me the master of anything.  But I am finding through a lot of prayer, soul searching, and advice that there is something beautiful in the process. And even in the struggle. I am learning to live life unmastered. To prioritize my life so God is first and my family and friends next. To look for beauty in the struggle.  To let go of perfection and high expectations, and live. To live this beautiful, messy, unmastered life, where God is the only Master and I am not a slave to being perfect. And I am not striving to be the master, just to join the Master in this life.

Prophecy

I have wanted to be a writer for about thirty years now.  I’ve had hundreds of ideas and started so many essays, articles, books, etc.  I think at some point when my children were little I kind of forgot that I wanted that.  But then God put that dream back in my heart. I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing, but I remember the “dream” as plain as day.  Only it wasn’t a dream. I was awake. Wide awake. So it was really more of a vision. In the vision I was standing near a large stage with dark purple curtains hanging backlit behind it.  There was a large crowd and I was wearing one of those microphones that hooks over your ear. The people started to clap and cheer, and I hopped up on the stage. To speak. To this crowd. And in that moment I knew that God wanted me to write and to speak to people.  About Him. About me. About He and I. After some time processing that idea, I told my closest friends and family, but I didn’t know where to start, or what to write. So I tucked that vision away and I waited. Over time I could feel that desire growing in me, but I still didn’t know what to write about.  Or how to start. So I waited. A few years ago a girlfriend and I were at a Women of Faith conference. We stayed at a hotel. She fell asleep while I watched old Christmas movies on the TV. Just as I started to doze off, she opened her eyes. She reached for me and started grabbing the air all around me. I was amused, so I asked her what she was doing.  She said, “I’m trying to catch them.” When I inquired what she was trying to catch, she said, “all the words, I’m trying to catch all the words. They are pouring out of you.” And I could feel that it was a holy moment. As she became more lucid, she told me that she had been in a state somewhere between asleep and awake and she had clearly seen words pouring from every part of me.  She tried to catch them because she knew how much I wanted to know what I was supposed to write/speak about. And then she said, “I think that is the first prophetic vision I’ve ever had.” And it confirmed that this really was God’s plan for me. Over time my desire to write and speak increased, but I still didn’t have a clue what to write about. I felt like I was spinning.

Time to Begin

On the first of January 2018, I chose the word “BEGIN” as my word of the year.  But I didn’t begin. I still didn’t know where to start. And then in the middle of the summer as I felt that desire to write rise again, I heard of the Speakology conference with Bo Stern, and I took a leap of faith and signed up. I learned so much. One of the biggest things I learned is that unless I’ve written the next Harry Potter or am already famous, it’s going to be really difficult to get a book deal. (This is my take on the idea, not the exact words of Bo Stern.)  What?!? I need a platform before I even start writing the book. I need a presence on social media. I need a following. I polled my family and friends from many demographics about what they would like me to write about. What I should include. What they would want to read. And there were no clear lines. Nothing that jumped out. They wanted to hear about everything from my experience as a teen mother placing my daughter for adoption, to running, to holiday traditions, to how I plan and cook meals, to how I survived an excruciatingly difficult situation in my marriage.  How was I going to put that all together into one theme, one blog, one website? And then my “frusin” (friend/cousin) said something brilliant. She told me that she likes to read anything, even if it is something she would never usually be interested in, as long as the writer is passionate about it. And even more if they included some revelation from the Lord along with the passionate writing.

Unmastered

So there you go. Write with passion. About all the things. And show where God is in all of it. Well I haven’t always been passionate about being broken and messy, but I’m learning to.  I hope you will see the beauty in it all. I hope you like it. I hope you find the passion. I hope you can also learn to live a life unmastered. But even more than that, I hope you find God in all of it.