Another Bite

Last week I wrote about how funerals always make me wonder what people will say about me when I have left this world and gone home to be with our Lord.  I resolved that more than anything, I want people to remember that I loved Jesus and that I loved them. Anything else is a bonus, but those are the things that are most important.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think I need to add one more “bite.”  Most memorial services that I’ve been to have a slideshow highlighting their lives.  Posed pictures from childhood in funky “vintage” collars and colors. Pictures from adventures – vacations, hikes, travels.  Pictures surrounded by family and friends. Pictures of them giving of themselves and looking lovingly at the people they love.  

And I realize (again) that there aren’t a lot of pictures of me.  It’s partially my fault. I’m usually the one taking the pictures.  I’m “that” wife/mom/friend. Making them hold that pose just five more seconds even if the sun is shining in their eyes.  Getting one more picture with everyone “looking at the camera this time.” Trying to capture every highlight. But I don’t often get in the pictures myself.  

That is often because I’m not feeling very good about how I look – almost always related to my weight.  I remember hearing an interview with Oprah Winfrey years ago in which she said that if you showed her any picture of herself she could tell you exactly what she weighed that day.  I am pretty sure I am the same. I think I could tell you within a pound what I weighed in any given picture. Because I’ve always focused on that. Judged myself based on the number.  Decided if I was worthy of being in the picture. And almost always the answer was no.

But now, as I reach the middle (I hope) part of my life I realize that I need to get in the pictures.  Serious and silly pictures. Pictures of adventures. Pictures of everyday life. Pictures of me doing the things I love with the people I love most.  And so I am challenging myself and I’m challenging you. Get in the pictures!! My goal is at least one picture each month. That seems doable. With cameras on our phones, it is doable.  No matter what we look like. Because life unmastered will be remembered as real life. Flawed, messy, and memorialized.